blog everyday in May - the thing your most afraid of.

Hands down the thing I am most afraid of is being alone. Particularly when I get old.

I know I have so many years ahead of me considering I am only 25, but there is a real thought in my brain that makes me wonder if I could handle being on my own later in life.

It's sort of ironic coming from a girl who is happy to spend time on her, pottering around and doing the things that makes her happy. But after more than a couple of days on my own, I get this sort of nervous feeling in my stomach that makes me feel uneasy and a little insecure.

I know it probably sounds a little crazy. I promise you I am not crazy.

The boyfriend moved off to Germany nearly 2 weeks ago, so we are in the first stages of a long distance relationship. We have done said distance before and I coped perfectly fine (after the initial emotional distress passed) but that was when I was living in London, a city I knew well my whole life.

Now I find myself in Cyprus. And with him gone, I feel almost lost. This is the lonely feeling kicking in. I think this is the thing I most afraid of because I am the type of person that needs to be motivated and have a to do list to feel like im accomplishing something. Simply having that other person there is my kind of motivation.

And without that the craziness sets in. *joking*

It's like when you see old people, in the supermarket alone, I think where is there husband or wife? How long have they been alone? Do they feel alone?

And as such I have openly admitted to the boyfriend that if we grow old together, I want to be the one to leave first. I want to be the one being missed, not doing the missing.

Ok now I sound crazy!