Tuesday, 7 May 2013

blog everyday in May - the thing your most afraid of.

Hands down the thing I am most afraid of is being alone. Particularly when I get old.

I know I have so many years ahead of me considering I am only 25, but there is a real thought in my brain that makes me wonder if I could handle being on my own later in life.

It's sort of ironic coming from a girl who is happy to spend time on her, pottering around and doing the things that makes her happy. But after more than a couple of days on my own, I get this sort of nervous feeling in my stomach that makes me feel uneasy and a little insecure.

I know it probably sounds a little crazy. I promise you I am not crazy.

The boyfriend moved off to Germany nearly 2 weeks ago, so we are in the first stages of a long distance relationship. We have done said distance before and I coped perfectly fine (after the initial emotional distress passed) but that was when I was living in London, a city I knew well my whole life.

Now I find myself in Cyprus. And with him gone, I feel almost lost. This is the lonely feeling kicking in. I think this is the thing I most afraid of because I am the type of person that needs to be motivated and have a to do list to feel like im accomplishing something. Simply having that other person there is my kind of motivation.

And without that the craziness sets in. *joking*

It's like when you see old people, in the supermarket alone, I think where is there husband or wife? How long have they been alone? Do they feel alone?

And as such I have openly admitted to the boyfriend that if we grow old together, I want to be the one to leave first. I want to be the one being missed, not doing the missing.

Ok now I sound crazy!


  1. you dont sound crazy, i know exactly how you feel!i'm Greek and having been living abroad for a total of 12 years and at 33 i can say exactly the same thing.Loneliness is the worst feeling,its that emptyness that i cant deal with!i have recently split up with my long term partner and i am wondering what im doing alone abroad, when my entire support system is abroad....keeping busy is the only way i get my mind of loneliness....its a toughie, but i'm completely with you on this!

    1. Oh wow, I hope your holding up okay! I know sometimes, and its usually on those hardest, emotional days I wonder why I am here. But then You have great days living in an amazing place, that many people are jealous of and it seems worth it somehow.

  2. No, not crazy at all! I always get so sad when I see those older people sitting by themselves at restaurants or wherever wondering where their partner is. Sometime I even shed a tear.

    The fear of being alone is totally normal! Long-distance is never fun or easy, especially from abroad. Good luck and it does get easier, I promise:)

    Your newest follower visiting from The Story of my Life.


    1. Oh alyson thanks so much for stopping by and your great words of encouragement. Jenni is doing such a fantastic thing bringing more bloggers in reach of other. I did long distance many times before and your right it does get easier. It just takes a while to get over the initial separation.

  3. Is the move to Germany permanent? Will you be joining him. I think its always hard being away from your other half.

    1. He has gone for two years. Im staying in cyprus. Its going to be achallenge but I think distance and space can be really benefixial for relationships. We will see how we get on. Thank you kayleigh for your kind comments as always!


comments are greatly appreciated!!