I love this little island for many reasons; the weather, the friends I have made and the experiences I have had. But the last year has been a struggle. Since my partner in crime left, I haven't been myself. Everyone who has spent any considerable amount of time with me will tell you I haven't been myself.
I fell foul to my own situation and will hold my hands up and tell you quite honestly, that instead of embracing the situation, I hid. I hid behind my own loneliness and I hid within the safe confines of the home we had made here. It was easy because I am independent and I can spend time with me, myself and I and not really be bothered about it. But after a while, no matter how much of an introvert you are, you do get bothered by it.
Learning to live alone in a foreign country was an experience shall we say. And while I have some amazing friends and family here that I will miss so much, I let my independence and pride get in the way a lot. I have this innate notion that if I can do something by myself even a little, I'm not going to ask for help. I don't really know where that comes from. I blame growing up in London and never having to rely on anyone.
In turn my confidence in myself has significantly dropped. My confidence to be myself, to have faith in myself, to have conviction in my decisions and to feel proud of my skills have all taken a battering and the funny thing is, it is only in the past few months that I truly noticed it.
Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing.
I fell like this little island has sucked a lot of life out me and there is a sense of cabin fever washing over me. Maybe it would be different if said partner in crime was here. Maybe it wouldn't. Who knows.
What I do know is that the older I get, the more I realize I want to have more experiences and more adventures and in turn grow more as a person. I don't think I am comfortable in my own skin 100% and I don't think I know what I want to do with my life.
But the place to find those answers, for now at least, is not Cyprus.