expat issues: Long distance friendships

Do you ever have those days where your emotions feel like they are right behind your eyeballs, just waiting to jump out in the form of tears? And then you realise that all your friends and family are an ocean away.

Thats expat life for you. 

Everyone thinks expat life is all relaxation, sunshine, cocktails and beach days. So, summer months are something like that here in Cyprus, but when you factor in working, cleaning, shopping, walking the dog and paying the bills, life in a different country is not that different to life in the one you left. 

I know that for the most part, expats make the decision to become expats, but that doesn't mean the trials and tribulations of everyday life don't get you down. But it doesn't mean you don't miss your friends and family. 

I guess that is the major sticking point for most; how to maintain long distance relationships. 

I would go as far as to say that I am a bit of expert when it comes to long distance relationships. Me and the boyfriend have been together for 8 years now and have had multiple periods of separation.

I remember the first time this happened - it's safe to say I was an emotional mess for a fair few months until we found a routine and ways to maintain a strong bond. And in fact, although its a cliche, distance does make the heart grow fonder.

However there has to be some ground rules for it to work *in my opinion*. There needs to be trust. Some sort of timeframe to work with, in terms of a date that you will be reunited and very good communication skills. But it is not impossible to maintain such a relationship and since, we have had many periods of separation, which I actually believe has made our relationship better. 

So when I decided to leave London for another country, I assumed that most of my friendships would be secure and workable. But I never really factored in the sheer amount of commitment, to multiple people, that I would have to make. Communication across borders with one person can be tricky, but when you have several friends and family members to maintain relationships with, tricky is the least of your problems.

I guess with friends it all comes down to the type of relationship you had in the first place; I have many amazing girlfriends (and boy-friends) in London, who I might not speak to for at least a month, but when we speak, its like no time passed at all. 

 

I think in order to maintain long distance friendships you need to find a balance with each person; something that fits with your existing relationship. And don't get down about being off the communication radar every once in a while.

I had many moments where I felt like I let someone down. Whether it was not being there for a birthday, forgetting to reply to that email or not being free to skype, everyday life easily gets in the way. But, friendships can survive distance with a little bit of effort.

And every time I return to London, I get welcomed back by the amazing faces of friends I love (and miss on a daily basis) and it makes all the effort worthwhile. 

I have never done long distance relationships with both the boyfriends and friends simultaneously, but that situation is about to be thrust upon me. Watch this space for how I handle that one. 

guest post // with the girl named pearl

This little guest post was planned a while ago when I fell in love with Judy and her love story. I became an overnight follower and knew instantly I wanted her involved in my ponderings about long distance relationships (of which more will follow). But with the laptop giving up life on me, we got a bit delayed. Finally we made it and as my first guest post on the blog, im excited and nervous all at the same time, to hand over the reigns.

Long Distance Relationships #1

Hello! My name is Judy, but sometimes people call me Pearl (usually the older folks in my family). I
write about things that I find interesting in life on my blog The Girl Named Pearl, which 
is usually full of photographs, details of my travels and projects that I quickly start and slowly finish.
 I’m currently engaged to the love of my life, who I tenderly refer to as the Polish boy, as we live two 
thousand miles apart from one another and I chronicle some of the difficulties with being in a long 
distance relationship.



If you asked me what I thought about long distance relationships, I would say that long distance
 relationships can be summed up in two words --- they suck. When I’m creative, I usually add a “really” in 
there and call it a day. By now, I’ve become inured to those pitiful looks I receive when I answer people’s
 questions about my dating life and relationship status. People either get them or they don’t. Those who
 understand long distance relationships know the difficulty in spending lengthy periods of time without
 physical contact from their loved ones. Those who don’t will rely on a list of preconceived notions of
 what they believe long distance relationships to be, but unfortunately they too know that most long
 distance relationships end up falling apart and that happily ever after is a rarity that fades away with 
time.



Being in a long distance relationship has meant that, for the unspecified amount of time being, I’m not
 able to look forward to seeing the love of my life on a daily basis. It has meant that adventures are put
 off because I’m missing my partner in crime. There are many a lonely night eating dinner by yourself, 
and when you need a hug from the one person who could dispel so much of the pain with just their
 presence and touch, it never comes. It means saving vacation time, costly plane rides and short stays
 that usually end in heartbreaking goodbyes.



Long distance relationships are without a doubt difficult, but coping is as much the mind as it is the heart.
 The one redeeming thing about a long distance relationship is the fact that love is there, and as long as 
you have that, everything else is a minor setback and every day is a day closer to when we can finally 
be together. Because to endure means that a relationship, even in limited capacity, is better than losing 
that relationship all together.



When I’m asked why I even entertained the idea of a long distance relationship, I will be honest and tell
 you that at first I cried that ugly cry you don’t want anyone to see and then got very angry. Afterwards, I
 started to see the positives although the negatives were certainly still there. “Why?” people would ask and I would simply reply “because he’s the love of my life.” There is no stronger reason for it.



Are there any benefits to having a long distance relationship? Well sure --- it’s not like one of us moved
 away because we wanted to be somewhere else. Many situations force people to relocate themselves
 unwillingly, be it for a job or education. I happen to believe that things happen for a reason. By being 
apart, we are offered the opportunity to strengthen our love despite the distance.
 

These relationships 
test us and refuse give us what we want immediately in order to prove ourselves worthy --- if we wait, if
 we’re diligent, it will come to us in the end.